Illnesses, like cancer, can be devastating but hope springs eternal and love and caring can be healing no matter what the final outcome. Fortunately in this family crisis, the outcome was incredibly positive in many ways and led to the strength to accomplish incredible things. My posts are usually my own work. But I am posting this very beautiful and positive story sent by a husband turned caregiver.
“Lessons Learned through Caregiving In August of 2005, my family changed forever. Our daughter, Lily, was born, and my wife Heather and I could not have been more excited to be new parents. However, three months later, our lives changed again. On that day, Heather was diagnosed with malignant pleural mesothelioma, and I got a new, unexpected job. I became a caregiver for a cancer patient. Instead of dealing with the chaos of the holiday season as planned, we began to deal with a new type of chaos – fighting cancer. My life as a caregiver began as soon as Heather was diagnosed. Completely overwhelmed, shocked and unable to make any decisions, Heather looked at me for help. I knew I had to be there for her as best I could, and I made the first essential decision, that of where Heather would receive treatment. We were given several options, but one in particular stood out. It was Dr David Sugarbaker, a mesothelioma specialist in Boston, known for his work with patients with my wife’s type of cancer. I told our local doctor to get us to Boston.
I had to cut my hours in my full-time job, and Heather left her job. Instead of working my 9-5, I turned into a full time caregiver. I scheduled our trips and drove to doctors’ appointments. I was also still a full-time dad, caring for three month old Lily. Life became a challenge. Everything was turned upside down, and I was often uncertain and worried. My to-do list turned into a whirlwind of overwhelming emotions, and I couldn’t just give up. I let myself surrender to the bad days, but I never gave up hope. Although I often felt helpless, I knew I had to stay strong for Heather. The support we received made me feel hopeful. People we didn’t even know were offering all kinds of help, giving us less to be anxious about. That outpouring of support helped keep me sane. All of our hard work, perseverance, and refusal to give up paid off. After surgery and multiple treatments for mesothelioma, Heather beat the odds as this short video demonstrates and defeated this awful disease, a rare feat accomplished by far too few. After seven years, she is still cancer free, and has been able to see Lily grow into a beautiful young lady.
I have since been able to balance the tasks of going back to school while raising a family. Being a caregiver and standing by my wife through cancer gave me the strength and the courage to pursue this dream of mine, two years after Heather’s diagnosis. The stress and time management skills that I learned helped me to succeed and graduate with high honors. I was even given the great privilege of speaking at graduation. During my graduation speech, I shared the greatest lesson that I learned as a caregiver to someone with cancer. I told the audience that within each of us is the strength to accomplish incredible things, as long as we never give up hope, and always keep fighting for the ones we love.”
Cameron Von St James, July 17, 2013